even though its not the fourth ,

i still have a poem for you which i want to post on the fourth but ,

i dont think i will be online on that day :/

so , here it goes :

you said forever ,

and i believed .

you said you will never ,

but you did leave .

you promised me someday,

but your love had faded away .

but i will still stay ,

till that someday .

till the day you put the ring around my finger ,

oh mister , dyou remember ? :(

its still kinda incomplete though :/

hm . kay . will improvise more .

muhd fadhli , i missyou so much . :'(

currently listening to that should be me - justin bieber .

baby , how it implies to what i want to say now :'(

please tell me all i want to know :'( please :'(

i can go on my knees for you . i sucked in love :'(

fyl big time dian .

muhd fadhli . i missed you alott .

yeah , now all i have are my Sinansari Sahmura girls . but i have no you to cry on . to lean on . to hug . no you to make me laugh everyday when i got home . no you to text . no one to text infact . no you to make me smile whe i receive a text msg . no you at all now :'( im sure you're happy . with her . being happy together . i know . i can imagine it . im glad . i know i should be happy . but whenever i thought of it , i'll picture the two of you laughing at my face . and saying "in your face bitch !" . ugh . its sad . :'( its always been sad whenever i talked about you nowadays . since that day actually .

muhd fadhli . yknow on monday 14th March . ive been crying alot about you . missed you so much . its been so long . and im yearning to be in your arms again like soon :'(but . like i said . will never happen . and when i was going home from dance , i cried to the girls on how i missed you so much . infront of the cityvibe . really sosomuch . and at that point of time , i also did tell amri that i missed you . and by an unexpected chance , when we were buying bubble tea , you all walked in when i was standing right infront of the entrance . one thing i was confuse about . did i smile at you ? did i ? i thought i was . but i also didnt think i did :/ when you walked right pass , i swear , i swear i couldnt breathe . i really felt like breaking down that instant , infront of you with my ugly face . but . i dont think you would bother even if i did . it hurts . alot :'( so instead , i went outside . let the public see my ugly face instead of you . weird right . cos i didnt want you to see that im still hoping for you . cos i know . inside that little heart of yours , there's only room for one precious person :'( which is not me . another weird thing . it hurts alot . but why do i still have to see you on the morning of 15th March ? :'( its cos we live in the same area i know . no matter how hard we try to avoid each other , there would be a time when we still have to see each other faces . ouch :'( i know was looking down the whole time . again , i did cry when i was at the traffic light . again it hurts . again i didnt think you cared :'(

dear fadhli , yes , im really affected and still being affected now . because i love you . i am still loving you . why ? i dont know . why cant i let go ? i dont know . cos iloveyou sosomuch . really . i cant just let go like that . i know i did say that maybe someday i wont be in your future . but .. didnt expect that we'd really seperate :'( the words you said when you wanted a break are still stuck in my head . and justnow when i saw wan . he reminds me of you :'( he was always there when we hung out tgther . and he made me scared again saying "datanglah" . rmmbr ? when he said that , i felt you hugs . covering my ears :'( bby , i swear i miss those times . i missed you :'( please . cant i have you back ? :'(

mrfourth :'( i want you back :'(

dyou feel me ? dyou know how much it hurts when you treat me like this ?

dyou know how it sucked knowing that you were once mine , but you dumped me just for her . why dyou have to do all this ? why cant you justtell me that you dont love me anymore and that you set you had your heart on someone else? why dyou have to go through all the shit just so you could have her ? i couldve made it easier for you . and i know im already no one to you . infact nothing at all . dont have to tell me . i know . but i still have feelings too . im a human . i didnt scold you vulgarities all shit so you dont have to do that to me . i know where i stand . for all i know now , im hoping for something , infact someone , that obviously wouldnt return . but i dont mind . it makes me hppy . somtimes .

yknow i didnt expect that you would do this to me . always thought you will always be the nicest guy and we would last till ten years . always been scared tht i would be the one who treats you like this .

buut ..., well , i dont know who to blame . cos currently , im blaming myself .

and fyi back at ya , you are no the same as amri .

when we're together , you are way much better than him .

in terms of breakup , you really really crushed my little heart .

and yeah , im punishing myself for it .

one big blow for my fragile heart . gee thanks .

if you're reading this , please tell me you read it kay . text .

yknow , i seriously feel like trash . what am i to you ?

why do you have to do this now ? whyy ?

muhd fadhli , i really loved you . why now ? why did you have to go ?

ibu even allow us . i dont understand why .

fine , i'll take it as you dont love me anymore kay .

if you wanna hate me go on . like you said , no one can stop me from loving you .

yes , i wont stop loving you . i wont give up . i promise .

and yknow i keep it . each of them . why cant you ? :'(

disappointing really . where's my first year ? where's my ten years ?

where's the guy who ii wanna marry ? :'(

all gone now right ?

and it is obvious that you wont come back right ? :'(

tell me is there another girl in your mind now ?

honestly , truth may hurt , but it'll be better .